When I Pray

Image result for lying awake

I have talked about my religious views before and I am not ashamed to tell people what I believe. I have always believed that time will tell if there is an omnipresent being residing over humanity, which is why I identify with being agnostic. No one can persuade me otherwise. I do not try to tell you to change what you believe; therefore you should not try to tell me to change what I believe. I have reasons for why I believe the things I do. Ask me, I open to telling you. There is no wrong religion.

We take solace in knowing that something is watching over us and that is all knowing and powerful. Why is that? Maybe it is because we need that fulfillment of turning to someone or something in times of trouble. I find myself doing this on occasion. It happens on nights when I cannot sleep and I am lying awake thinking of what I wish would change. I know I have the power to make that happen, but sometimes I need extra guidance; guidance that I cannot give myself.

I’ll sit there and begin to wish for things that I would like to happen, but first I start by thinking about all the wonderful things that have happened:

“I know I do not ask for much, but just this one time I would like for you to hear me out. I feel as if I have so much to be thankful for. I have come so far. I never thought that I would be as happy as I am today. I love my job. I can’t think of a better opportunity. I love the people I work. I have met the most wonderful people and I feel like I belong. This is where I need to be. I have surpassed many milestones that I never thought I would achieve. I feel like this is most definitely my yeat. Although I am really happy with the direction of my life, I feel like something is missing. You know exactly what I am talking about. I see it everywhere I go. It taunts me. I try to run from it and there it is again. I want to look that way and smile, but I can’t. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care, but I do. I put on this facade and I am tired of it. I want that connection with someone. That feeling of having someone who is like you in many ways it’s as if you are two incomplete souls who have found their other halves. This is one thing I have never even considered asking, but I feel that it is necessary. To help me overcome the overwhelming loneliness I have been saddled with.” 

I do this as if someone or something is listening to my hearts desires and they have the power to make it happen, but I know that deep inside it is not that simple. Like I have said before, only I have the power to make that happen. That is why I believe the things I do.


About meetmeinnevada

A Kansas girl trying to navigate the changes of the big city of Las Vegas, Nevada by talking about life, thoughts, and relationships.
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