Not Myself

Image result for depression sleeping a lot

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I have been sleeping more than usual. I slept until noon today, which I haven’t voluntarily done since I was in high school. I heard somewhere that people who sleep more are often depressed, but I wouldn’t be quick to self-diagnose myself as depressed. It’s easy to say that you are feeling depressed without thinking exactly what you are saying, it’s the equivalent of saying that someone is retarded or something is gay. I am quick to remind myself that people actually suffer from these ailments and it is not something to joke or take lightly.

I remember when I read The Giver by Lois Lowery, it really made me think before I speak. In the book, their society was considered perfect and controlled by Elders. Language was something was that was also controlled. Some words were so antiquated that they no longer held any meaning, which what made most utter, “precision of language” if people spoke them. I feel that such words like depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses should be uttered with the utmost care. It shouldn’t be a word to throw around.

Depression is something that I have never been diagnosed with, nor have the understanding of the struggle, which is why I say that I haven’t been feeling like myself. I do however have anxiety. I have never felt more alone. I need someone to talk to. Someone physically present. Not that I don’t enjoy talking on the phone or texting my friends, but it’s not the same as physically talking to someone. We all need that once in a while to be okay. We need social interaction. We thrive from it. I thrive from it. I have always been a social person. In Kansas, my friends were usually just a five-minute drive away. I could talk to them easily. That’s not the case here.

I want to go back to Kansas even more so today. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss having someone to talk to. I thought I was going to be able to handle this, but I guess I was wrong. This is much more difficult than I thought. Something keeps telling me to go back, that this was a mistake. Part of me thinks it’s my anxiety telling me this, but at this point, I don’t know anymore.

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About meetmeinnevada

A Kansas girl trying to navigate the changes of the big city of Las Vegas, Nevada by talking about life, thoughts, and relationships.
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11 Responses to Not Myself

  1. Sarah says:

    I always sleep more if I’m sad, lonely or depressed .. seems a lot easier than being awake and dealing with life. I always thinks “this too shall pass” but sometimes you still just want to sleep it all away. Hope you feel better soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Go Back to your Friends and Family. You are getting lonely and you are missing your friends.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cheer Up. Call your Friends Over and Go back to your Place of Comfort.

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  4. jadecostello says:

    I find that life often goes in circles of this. I was clinically depressed a few years ago so you’ll know for definite if it is. Sometimes it’s just part of the cycle though, and you’ll surprise yourself when in a couple weeks you’ll feel “normal” again. It’s more than likely that your body is telling you that you need rest and relaxation, to “de-stress”. Sometimes a couple days of good rest will help with this feeling. Your anxiety is definitely not helping this and is probably making it seem worse. But, it does get better, and you will feel better. Sometimes it’s just a case of waiting it out – even when it feels like shit. Maybe go for a drink or dinner with work colleagues or adventuring around alone? The smallest things can do the world of good.
    Hope you feel better, and you always have the wordpress community to talk to 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I could go for a drink with a colleague. I don’t know anyone. And I would do things on my own, but I really don’t have the slightest idea of where things are at. I wanted to go for drive last night but the idea of actually going for a drive scared because I’m still unfamiliar with the area and the thought of getting lost stressed me out. Everything has changed and it’s been hard for me to deal with. It’s effecting my school work.

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  5. I know how you feel craving social interactions and knowing you could have them but don’t. All my friends scattered across the state, not a single person I know came to the same university as me and it’s a tad bit isolating. I’m doing my best to try to get to know new people but it’s a bit tough because the teachers don’t really give much free time during class and I don’t live on campus so I don’t see these people 24/7. Stay strong and try to get to know somebody, I’m here for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sounds like my first year of university. And now I’m starting over again because I’m at a new school. I don’t live on campus because that’s not an option at my new college. I try to go to social events, but I just feel even more alone.

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      • Aw stay strong sweetie I know how you feel. At my freshman orientation, they had a dance in the evening (I’ve never been to a school dance in my life until then) and I felt so alienated. I was so grateful this orientation leader pulled me outside for a game and I talked to her.

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