What do you call a friend whom you are no longer friends with? When you are talking to someone and they ask you about this said “friend,” what do you say? I have always found this subject intriguing. We know what constitutes a friendship. A friendship usually occurs when individuals have shared similarities, values, and beliefs. What exactly signifies the ending of a friendship? A fight? A dispute? Different opinions? Whose fault was it and why did things go the way they did? How does it end?
Life is full of many friendships, some are better than others and the ones that are, are the ones that make an important part of your life. However, those friendships that have ended stick with you in the aspect that you vow not make same mistakes. There are two types of ways that friendships end. There are ones where you specifically state that you do not want to be friends and there are ones that fade off out of your life. I have ended three friendships in my life and I believe that it was in my best interest to do so.
My Middle School Friendship
My first friendship I ended was near the end of middle school. Let’s call her Thorn because that is what how I would describe my friendship with her. She was someone who liked to do things her way and on her terms. My opinion never mattered. Thorn liked to pick on me to make herself feel better while making me feel awful about myself. She made me hate myself more every day. I remember when she, a few other friends and I went to the mall together. She thought it would be funny to ditch me. We all went to a store together to try on clothes. I came out of the dressing room and they were gone. I ended up having to walk home, alone. Why was I friends with her you ask? I thought this was how a friendship was supposed to be. I didn’t know any better. I don’t know how, but one day I realized that I didn’t want to be treated like this anymore.
About a year or so after our falling out, she messaged me on Facebook saying she was sorry and asking to be friends again. My response was a flat “no.” She didn’t like that and decided to yell at me over Facebook messaging, “you think you’re so cool because you are on the dance team” or “you are still the same” or “I didn’t want to be your friend anyways.” If she really was sorry, she would have been mature about the fact that I didn’t want to accept her friendship again.
My High School Friendship
The second friendship that was ended was with a girl, Patsy. We bonded because we had three classes together. She would spend the night at my house and I would stay at hers. We would share clothes (mainly mine) and do each other’s hair. We also tried a few things together. I had my first cigarette because of her. She was a very energetic person: happy, full of life and ready to try new experiences. Some would get her in trouble. For example, her mom caught her smoking and grounded her. She became the talk of the school because of a rumor that was circulating about her night with two of the school’s most promiscuous boys. Her reputation dropped after the fact.
I remember our first fight. We had a dispute over text message and to this day I cannot recall exactly what it was about. It ended with her wanting to be left alone and then after that, we hardly spoke. We’d smile at each other in the hallway or wave if we saw each other in public. Nothing between us was the same anymore. She became one of those friends who slowly fades out of your life.
My Friendship After College
My most recent friendship I ended was someone I had known since second grade. Her name was Meep. I talked about her a little bit in post, Decision of Sex. When we had first met, she was a quiet girl, mainly keeping to herself and away from others. In high school, she really came out of her shell. She very loud, oftentimes disruptive, friendly and sometimes a little obnoxious. I was envious of her attitude for things and always wondered how I could gain her confidence. She was one of the few friends that I maintained after college. Our fight, the first one in years, is what ended our friendship. I remember it quite well because it happened back in March.
My friend Bee and I were traveling back from Kansas City to go meet up with Meep. It is about an hour away from my hometown. It was where I had been staying during my spring break. We were texting her, telling her that we were on our way and to decide what to do when we got down there. We both informed her that we didn’t have any money so it was in our best interest to hang out at one of our houses. We told her where to meet, but I do not think she listened or maybe it was because she didn’t like our idea. She grew frustrated with us and said she was going home because she needed to “be somewhere.” This is when the fight began. I told her I was sick of making plans and her not following through. It wasn’t fair. To understand why I was upset, I must explain to you what I mean.
The last few times Bee and I had made plans with her, she would go AWOL on us. This was a common practice for her. It was a behavior she gained in high school. We knew that when she did not answer her phone calls or texts, she was with a guy. To see for ourselves, we decided to go to her house and get her. Sure enough, she was. The first time, we let it slide. The second time was the last straw.
I called her out on this:
“Why is it every time, we try to hang out with you, you ditch us for a guy?”
She explained that this guy was different, but I have heard all the excuses before. Quite frankly, it was getting old. The last thing she said to me:
“You wouldn’t understand because you don’t have a relationship! Your relationship with B is slutty! You are being a whore!”
I snapped. I lost my cool. One thing I have learned from fights is that you never target someone’s self-esteem or something that makes them weak. It’s not a fair advantage. In that instance, I forgot everything I believed in. I panicked and said the first thing that came to mind:
“At least I can count how many guys I’ve slept with on one hand! You on the other hand may need to more than your hands. I hope you have enough toes.”
That was the last thing I said to her. She said something back, but I never read it. I was done. I was hurt.
She texted me about a month or so after it happened, but again I never answered. I was still upset about the way things ended. Never hit someone where they are weak, it’s not fair.
When someone asked me about Meep I said, “Oh, that stupid slut?”
“So what justifies your reason for calling her that? Are you saying she is sexually promiscuous?” They asked hotly.
“Yes, I am. She has always been that way. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”
I have moved on with my life and have put all of this past me. If you ask me if I will ever be friends with these people again, I would tell you “No.” Some friendships have to come to an end. You have the right to forgive or forget. To answer my questions at the beginning, what do you call a friend whom you are no longer friends with anymore? I believe that answer is different for everyone. Former friend. Ex-friend. A girl I was friends with. That “stupid slut” or “dumb whore.” Whatever justifies your feelings for the end of a friendship fuels exactly how you address these people you are no longer friends with.