When you’re single, you have a lot of time to yourself (literally). In that time, I have spent my time reflecting on how exactly I feel about being single. We all want to find love. We all want to have that special bond with a person where you share experiences, secrets, and desires. In this day in age, it’s almost difficult to find someone who wants exactly what you want and if we do we think it can’t be true. We’re all afraid of getting hurt so put a wall up and continue to build that wall until the person who was trying to break it down gives up. What I have learned in my four years of singletude is that the time you spend single is a time in your life where you really find out who you are and what you want.
There are times when we are not happy with our lives. We were so sure that we would have everything figured out by now. Currently, I am not happy with the direction my life is going. I had many big plans for myself, but unfortunately, life happens and I didn’t follow through. My goal was to be finished with my degree, but I fell so far behind that I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. I still have two more years to complete. I wanted to have my dream job by now, but in order for me to have my dream job I need my degree. I am hopeful things will eventually start to be in my favor. I know that I want to be happy in my life before I settle down and share my happiness with someone else.
I still think about my ex sometimes. I know I shouldn’t, but after everything we shared it’s hard to forget. We were so used to each other’s company that it feels foreign to be on my own. It’s almost a burden. I need to remove him from my social media so that I’m not tempted to keep tabs on him. He is someone that doesn’t post frequently, but when he does it’s always something that tells you everything that he’s been up to since his absence.There is a reason why they are your ex. When I am confident that I have moved on completely, I know I can finally begin a life with someone without pondering on the past.
Dating is such a nuisance now. Gone are the days where people actually put time and effort to show that they actually want to spend time with someone. Netflix and chill? Come on. I love watching movies don’t get me wrong, but I would like a little more time and planning to go into it then just scrolling through the movie selection and then agreeing to disagree on something. I’ve found myself not trying to “date” because I wouldn’t even call it that. I avoid it by resisting in every way possible with casual hook-ups and meeting people at bars for drinks I can’t afford to buy. I know that I should dip my toe in the pool, but I just can’t bring myself to actually try dating. I feel that if I did I would lose sight of myself. I know what I want and deserve I don’t want to sell myself short.
Why are families so concerned with your dating life? I’ve received so much slack from relatives about why I haven’t settled down, mainly at holiday gatherings. “Are you dating?” “Have you met anyone?” “I know a nice boy for you.” My grandmother once said to me, “Oh, we all need a cup of tea sometimes, mija.” She winked. My personal choice to remain single is no one’s concern but my own and I believe that I need to make sure that I am ready for a relationship before I jump into one too quickly. I need to think about me before I think about a we.
What I am trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with being single. You need to make sure they are happy with yourself before try finding someone. Use this time of being single find yourself and what you want. It’s not a bad thing. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. Do not sell yourself short because you are concerned that you will never find someone. I saw a couple the other day when I was leaving Target. They were walking in together hand and hand. The girl stopped to look at the ads posted on the store bulletin board. The guy grabbed her firmly and kissed her. The old me would have scoffed and said some snide remark about how they shouldn’t do that in public or they don’t make that great of a couple. The new me smiled. I know I will find someone that will make sure I know how much they love me daily. I’m not a bitter because I’m single. I’ve been embracing it.