You know that upsetting feeling you get when you are in the cafeteria on the first day trying to find somewhere to sit? You hold your lunch try tightly as you aimlessly look around to find someone you might know. You realize that you know no one so you try to find somewhere conspicuous to hide. The tables are full of unknown faces and the growing anxiety distorts them. They give a sudden glance as you pass. The longer you linger the more people begin to recognize that you are out of place. They begin to stare and whisper. That’s how I feel every day.
I feel like I have a giant tattoo on my forehead that says, “I’m new here!” It’s as if people can tell that I don’t belong because of the small mistakes I make. They know that I am new. The unfamiliarity of my surroundings seems to give me away. I try to hide the fact that I don’t know, but to no avail I am discovered. It’s always the simple things that I never thought I would consider to turn heads.
“Sorry, we don’t do that in Kansas.”
“We don’t have that in Kansas.”
“We don’t do that in Kansas.”
This feeling shall pass. It can’t last forever. Maybe I should consider this as a good thing. I have an excuse as to why I don’t do things correctly or things that are well known. I just want to blend in. I don’t want to be noticed.